Lenten Longing

My cat was missing for a couple hours today. We had contractors doing some work in the bathroom in our basement, and their equipment was quite loud. A few hours after they began working, I realized I hadn't seen the cat all morning. We were afraid he had gotten out of the house because we had looked everywhere we could think of--under beds, in closets, on bookshelves--but we didn't find the cat. I couldn't imagine where he was, but I knew he was certainly scared. He is very skittish when it comes to noises and strangers, and he was dealing with both. The terrified kitty had found a hiding place in a very dark, narrow corner behind the furnace. When we finally realized where he was, it took about 10 minutes of coaxing to get him to come out and join us upstairs, away from the noisy work in the basement.

Curled up safe on Mama's bed.

These days, I feel a little like my anxious cat. I want to simply hide in my quiet corner where nobody can see me. It's been a rough winter. In New England, most folks are happily watching the big melt. The snow drifts still extend several feet into the secondary roads in my neighborhood, but they're much shorter than they were two weeks ago. Driving is much easier with the improved visibility and clearing of the ice ruts, but now the potholes present new challenges. I've been blaming the weather for my melancholy, but the empty feeling I've endured these long dark months hasn't improved much with the longer, warmer days.

The darkness descended upon us in October. During Advent, I was hopeful. By Christmas, I still felt meh.

At New Year's, I made some goals and tried some challenges. I didn't quite achieve as much as I had hoped, and the clean eating thing fell apart a few weeks into the challenge when I neglected the exercise portion. The focus on goals related to food and finance interests me, but it hasn't helped my disposition.

Lent began, and in those first weeks I was reading a spiritual book and going to a discussion group at church. Again, I was hopeful that my mood would improve. The spiritual boost from the book seemed to be transforming me as my daily focus started to shift: "Our lives change when our habits change" (Matthew Kelly). Alas, one of the February book discussion events was cancelled due to a pending snowstorm, and the next discussion meeting was a month away. I stopped reading and stopped changing my habits. The meh feeling came back full force.

I don't want to have a self-hosted pity party. I don't want my readers to feel sorry for me. I want to find the holiness God wants for me. I want to stop hiding and start living.

How? How can I let God in and listen to his voice? How do I let God coax me out of my dark, quiet hiding place?

I suppose the first step is to go back to the book, to Rediscover Catholicism. My faith is the reason for so much of what forms me, and yet I'm not really living as the "best version of myself" as Matthew Kelly says.

Lord Jesus,

Send your Holy Spirit to guide me during the final weeks of Lent. Help me prepare to receive you with true Easter Joy.

Amen.

Holy Week on the Horizon--Are You Ready?

Wasn't Ash Wednesday just a few days ago? How can it be the Thursday before Palm Sunday? I am not ready for Easter!

I had big plans to read a deep spiritual book and to be more peaceful this Lent. I've read a little bit of the book, but it's weighty and I seem to be interrupted needed whenever I start to read. Or, maybe the problem is that my brain is too crowded right now to focus on the words. Obviously, the peaceful part hasn't been a big success either, except that one day in the garden. 

The past two days, I'd hoped to spend time in the garden, but it's been rather windy, and I have had a number of other excuses reasons for not working outside. April is always a busy month for my family. We have a couple birthdays, Easter, music competitions, and track practice. It seems every time I sit down to write or plan to cook or work in the garden, it's time to get back in the minivan for the next thing on the list.

Ten days remain until Easter Sunday. What can we do to get ready if this Lent wasn't the deep spiritual journey we'd hoped it would be? Here are some suggestions for the remaining days until Easter Sunday:

Thursday: Get to reconciliation.

Friday: Stations of the Cross.

Saturday: Attend a weekday Mass--perhaps try a Latin Mass if one is available in your area.

Sunday: Go to Palm Sunday Mass to begin your celebration of Holy Week. Maybe braid your palms.

Monday: Prepare lovingly for Easter--do laundry, iron, make sure everyone's dress shoes fit. Don't wait until Holy Saturday to prepare your clothing.

Tuesday: Grocery shopping and cookie/bread baking, especially if you're hosting the meal. Again, you don't want to be in the store on Friday or Saturday with everyone who is doing last minute preparations.

Wednesday: Attend a Tenebrae Service or pray an extra rosary.

Thursday: Chrism Mass at a Cathedral and Holy Thursday - Mass of the Lord's Supper.

Friday: Good Friday Service and color Easter eggs. Begin the Divine Mercy Novena.

Saturday: Holy Saturday morning, take Easter food to be blessed. Attend an Easter Vigil Mass where Catechumens are receiving the sacraments.

Sunday: Easter Sunday, Praise God and love the people He has given to you!

If you haven't had the best preparation for Easter during this Lent, it's not too late to give your attention and heart to Our Lord.

For the sake of His Sorrowful Passion, Have Mercy on Us and on the Whole World.

On Laetare (Joy) Sunday, Let Us Be Light

In today's Gospel from John 9:1-41, a man blind from birth is given sight through a miracle which Jesus performs on the Sabbath. The Pharisees questioned the man about how he had come to see. When he told them about the mud and washing in the waters of Siloam (more than once), they concluded Jesus must be a sinner because he healed on the Sabbath. The man testified and witnessed to the truth, in spite of being thrown out of the Synagogue. The Pharisees, in spite of their learning, could not put behind their hatred and jealousy of Jesus. They denied the Truth which was right before their blinded eyes.

When Jesus heard that they had thrown him out,he found him and said, "Do you believe in the Son of Man?"He answered and said, “Who is he, sir, that I may believe in him?”Jesus said 
to him,“You have seen him,the one speaking with you is he.”He said,“I do believe, Lord,” and he worshiped him.Then Jesus said,“I came into this world for judgment, so that those who do not see might see, and those who do see might become blind.” (New American Bible on USCCB.org)

We, like the blind man, are called during Lent to pass "from the darkness of sin and error to the Light of God, who is the Risen Christ."

The liturgical color for this Sunday is rose, just as in the third Sunday of Advent. Our Lenten journey is half-way over. Easter is in three weeks. Have you grown in the light of Christ this Lent? Although I'm excited for the coming of Easter, I'm honestly glad it's a bit later this year. I still have work to do in preparing myself spiritually for the Resurrection of the Lord, and I'm glad to have three more weeks in this penitential season.

Yesterday, I had the honor of helping with a Lenten retreat at my parish for the Confirmation students. The day began with an opportunity for confession. So many Catholics avoid and fear the confessional. We must keep in mind that the priest is not "waiting in the box" to judge us. Rather, he waits in "Persona Christi" to heal us. I have had more than one priest explain to me that when he leaves the confessional, he forgets what he has heard. This grace is a gift to our spiritual fathers--they are healers, not throwers of stones. Christ came to redeem us through his blood on the Cross. He does not call his priests to chastise us. When I confess my sins and then look to the priest, how many times have I heard, "Thank God for your good confession" when I think "What is wrong with me that I keep committing the same sins?" The more frequently I get myself to confession, the more grace God provides for me to deal with the struggles and frustrations of life in the world.

"The 'Easter duty' is still applicable" provides a fabulous explanation of the Church's "minimum requirements" for a Catholic to go to confession and to receive the Eucharist at least once per year.

Heavenly Father, 

You sent our Lord, Jesus Christ, into the world to be the Light for Our Salvation. Help us to be children of the Light, spreading His Truth and Love throughout the world.

Amen.

I Don't Live in Their House

I admit it. I'm a sinner. Therefore, I frequent the confessional. I try to get to confession at least monthly, but I'm much more peaceful if I go every other week. I'm grateful that our Lord is not a "three strikes and you're out" God, or I would have been condemned years ago.

One of my repeat offenses is "being critical of others." Mind you, I do not "judge" people, which really means that I "condemn them to hell." I know I'm not God and have no authority over another person's soul. However, I'm quick to think, and often enough speak, about what someone else should do to make his or her life better. I think things like, "Why doesn't he see that his decisions about X are the cause of his problems?" Or, "Why can't she just do things this way--then she would feel better, be happy, etc.?" My personality is such that I want to fix things, even if they aren't mine to fix. As a result, my mind races with solutions to all sorts of things that might not really be problems.

As I get older, I'm less critical than I used to be, but often enough I look at situations from my limited view and think I know better than the person in the situation. A friend of mine often says, "I don't live in her house" when someone is being criticized and gossip begins. This phrase is a good reminder to me of two things, not to gossip and not to be so quick to believe I have all the answers. I don't know the whole story of what goes on in that person's life.

How many people live in abusive relationships that are hidden? How many people battle with depression? How many people struggle with addictions? How many people are caring for sick loved one? We can be quick to anger or criticism when someone offends us or seems foolish, but the big picture would likely change our tune. The truth is, the only one who really knows the weight of the crosses we bear is the Lord. He took the weight of all those crosses up Calvary's Hill and stretched out his arms to save us all.

My first two weeks of Lent have included some little sacrifices and a little more prayer, as well as one visit to confession. My family usually makes it to Stations of the Cross most weeks, but we didn't make it the first two weeks of Lent. Honestly, without Stations, it doesn't really feel like Lent. We are planning to go this Friday, which will be a good reminder of Christ's sacrifice as we journey toward Easter.

Rather than focus on what others should do, I will strive this Lent to focus on how I can be a better Christian and witness to the Lord with my life. Instead of criticizing, I must pray for my brothers and sisters to allow God to work in their lives, in his time, not in mine.

And if you be unwilling to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods of your fathers, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell; but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15, RSV Catholic Edition 

First Friday of Lent

Today's reflection in the Magnificat is entitled "Why We Fast" by St. Thomas Aquinas. The ideas are very straightforward, but the ideas are also profound. My sleepy mind struggled this morning to comprehend what I was reading the first time, so I read the page a few times. Basically, St. Thomas describes the double nature of human beings--mental and physical.  Our prayer, then, consists of mental and physical manifestations. We internally recognize God and externally pray, fast, adore, and praise.  The external, however, essentially has little meaning without the internal. He says:

So, just as prayer has its origin as something in the mind, and is only in the second place expressed in words, adoration also consists, primarily and in its origin, in an internal reverence of God and only secondarily in certain bodily signs, for example, as genuflections to show our weakness by comparison with God, or prostrations to show that we are nothing ourselves.

What does that mean for us on a practical level?  The people in today's first reading from Isaiah 58:1-9 fulfill the external prescriptions of their fast day, but "carry out [their] own pursuits, and drive all [their] laborers. Yes, [their] fast ends in quarreling and fighting, striking with wicked claw." The reading continues with the Lord telling them this type of fasting is superficial and unfruitful and not what he wants from them. He instead desires:

releasing those bound unjustly...Sharing your bread with the hungry, sheltering the oppressed and the homeless; Clothing the naked when you see them, and not turning your back on your own.

The Lord tells us that when we fast and give alms in this way, from our internal desire for communion with Him, He "will answer" when "we cry for help, and he will say: Here I am!"

Therefore, let us consider our Lenten plans. Are we fasting from chocolate, social media, alcohol, television, or some other vice? These things are truly sacrifices! But what happens internally? Are you filling that space with prayer, spiritual reading, and growing closer to God. If so, you have begun a wonderful Lenten journey! On the other hand, as a response to the fast, are we quarreling and fighting? Do we look gloomy? If so, we must begin again internally, taking the prayer from inside and seeking God first to guide our Lenten disciplines.

On this First Friday of Lent, I encourage you to attend Mass, the Stations of the Cross, or both! Listen deeply to the scripture. Walk the road to Calvary with our Lord. Then ask his guidance for you this Lent.

Dear Heavenly Father,

What sacrifice of mine is most pleasing to you? How can I best serve others and grow closer to you this Lent? Let my sacrifice be pleasing to you. Let my joy this Lent draw me and others closer to you. 

Amen.

I didn't give up Facebook this year, but everyone else did!

Last year at this time I was experiencing my first pangs of Facebook withdrawal. I gave up Facebook for Lent last year because I realized I had a problem. I wasted many hours "checking in" and "liking" things, not to mention watching important breaking news (links from the local TV station to sensational events on the other side of the country) and cute cat videos. Then, there were the recipes. Pictures of food pulled me in, then I'd read the recipe, then I'd check out five other things on the blog associated with the recipe. Finally, I'd wonder why I couldn't get my work done.

This year, lots of people made their Mardi Gras status, "See you on or after Easter--Fasting from Facebook this Lent."

I had considered fasting from Facebook again this year, but three things changed my mind. First, I maintain two "pages" in addition to my personal page, and this time of year there are many updates  for Western Mass Life Runners and Western Mass Faith-based Films. If I fasted from Facebook, my little, but growing pages would be neglected and I would not be able to communicate information about group runs or spring releases of movies to my viewers. No, it wouldn't be the end of the world, but it was something to consider. Second, I live far from most of my relatives, so Facebook keeps me up to date on their lives. Third, when I realized so many people on my friends list were fasting from Facebook, I realized that I wouldn't have as many notifications pulling me into interesting blogs and recipes. I might be able to limit myself to a quick morning and evening check-in and then go about my day--which was the result of last year's fast, at least for a few months.

So far, so good.  I had 4 notifications this morning compared to 15 yesterday. A quick scan of the Home feed showed a lot of what was already there yesterday. I had one personal message from someone important to me. I was glad I checked in and saw her note so I could respond. Then I logged out. I will be working to limit my social media time this Lent, but it's not my "big fast" this year.

If you gave up Facebook for Lent, don't simply switch to Twitter or another social media site!  The purpose of a fast is to deny ourselves in order to focus that attention on God. Listen prayerfully to what the Lord is asking of you each day, especially during this holy season of Lent.

I'm praying for you! Please pray for me, too, as we continue our journey to Easter.

Plans for My Lenten Journey

Every day I think about how to make things better in my life. How can I make better use of my resources? How can I be a better homeschooling mom? How can I be a better wife and mother? How can I gain some focus and accomplish things instead of wasting time online looking at recipes and cat videos? When I re-read this paragraph, I see a lot of "I" and feel rather self-centered. I want to do better and be better, but maybe the best way to do that is to become "other-centered."

This past weekend, our parish youth group held a formation meeting where the youth and their parents listened to a talk by Matthew Kelly in which he discussed prayer and habits. He stressed the importance of listening in prayer rather than listing our desires and demands to God for Him to do our will. Kelly also brought to light the significance of our habits in shaping us. Saints and greats differ from the rest of humanity in one significant way, he explained, and the way they differ is in their habits. One example he mentioned was Michael Jordan. When Jordan didn't make the high school basketball team because he wasn't consistent from the free-throw line, he changed his habits. Until he sunk 600 free-throws for the day, he wouldn't go to bed for the night. We know the rest of the story. His habit changed who he was from the kid who got cut to the man who became a basketball legend.

For those who don't have a regular prayer life, Matthew Kelly suggests beginning with 10 minutes of prayer every day.  Follow that simple habit,  Kelly says, and "You won't recognize yourself after six weeks" because you will change for the better. 

I know he's right. A few years ago my prayer life was very sporadic, and I was not joyful. Now, I consistently pray and read the daily readings each morning before my youngest children are awake. I have changed for the better. I still have a long way to go, but that little change, 15 minutes or so each morning with scripture and reflections in the Magnificat has helped me get to know God better. My mornings are pretty good. However, the rest of the day lacks focused prayer time. I receive a few daily emails with reflections on the Catechism, the Gospels, and Danielle Bean's Momnipotent Study. These messages give me reminders of the central role God should have in my life, even when I'm at the computer.

On this Sunday before Lent, my thoughts turn to sacrifice and purification. Lent is a time to turn inwardly, not to be "all about me," but instead to consider what I must do to become a saint. Matthew Kelly stresses "becoming the best version of yourself" and Fr. Pedro at our parish often reminds us that we should all strive to become saints, which of course is the "best version" of ourselves.

How we become saints will be different for each of us. Reading the Bible and books by saints can be a great place to start. Alms giving, prayer, and fasting are the three Lenten disciplines that can be used any time during the year to bring us closer to God. Attending Stations of the Cross on Fridays is a powerful devotion that reminds us how much God loves us--enough to take the sins of the whole world to the Cross. 

As part of my Lenten journey, I am planning to read the first volume of The Mystical City of God by Venerable Mary of Agreda and to include evening prayer as part of my daily habits this Lent. I am also planning to write more reflections in this blog regarding what I read. 

My hope for you and for me is that on Ash Wednesday, March 5, 2014, we will begin a journey that prepares us to receive Jesus with full Easter Joy on April 20, 2014, knowing and loving Him more than we knew we could.

Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.

 

Three Stations of Discipleship

Palm Sunday is this weekend, and it's hard to believe that in another week we will celebrate Easter.  The past few weeks have gone by so quickly with Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI's resignation, the conclave, and the election of Pope Francis.  Though this Lent has been prayerful, it seemed perhaps less penitential with all of the joy of the Papal election and installation over the past two weeks.

Praying the Stations of the Cross on Fridays in Lent is one of the most beautiful devotions in our Catholic tradition outside of the Mass and the Sacraments.  This particular devotion helps the faithful to deeply ponder what Christ did for us that Friday.  He submitted and opened not his mouth.  He paid the ultimate price, though he was without sin.  He gave himself as the sacrifice to cleanse us that we may share eternal life with him.

I just got home from our parish youth group's presentation of their iWitness Stations.  This beautiful presentation on our Lord's Passion includes a reflection on each of the traditional Stations of the Cross accompanied by a video and songs performed by the music ministry.  The images include various statues and paintings depicting each of the stations, as well as still shots of scenes from The Passion of the Christ.  The reflections for each station, composed by members of the youth group, help those in attendance to deeply contemplate Christ's love for us.

Three stations in particular tug at my heart along the Way of the Cross--Jesus Meets His Mother, Simon Helps Jesus Carry His Cross, and Veronica Wipes the Face of Jesus.  These three come between the first and second times that Jesus falls.  Tonight in church, I sat with my youngest son near the pictures of those particular stations.  Jesus bore the weight of our sins alone, but he wasn't all alone.  Three individuals in particular are chosen to represent love and friendship to Jesus during his journey to Calvary.

First, of course, is our Blessed Mother.  She stays near to her son through his anguish.  She suffers with him--her "Yes" from the Annunciation carries her through to this moment.  She suffers, yet she trusts her Lord.  The look between mother and son in that moment would have been one of understanding, anguish, but mostly love.  Words wouldn't have been necessary, but her presence was most necessary.

Next, Simon is called upon to help Jesus carry the cross.  The soldiers no doubt feared he would die on the way to Calvary, as he'd already fallen once.  Simon didn't want to be there, but he helped Jesus when the soldiers pressed him into service.  The reflection on the station described Simon as having a change of heart and speaking to Jesus along the road.  We could envision his conversion under the weight of the wood.  Jesus bore our sins upon that cross.  When Simon helps to carry the cross, it seems to represent repentance--our willingness to own and carry our own sins, and then to repent from those sins, in order to walk with Christ.

Third, we see Veronica wipe the face of Jesus.  "None but she would flaunt the Roman."  This station has impressed me since I was a child.  Who was this woman?  Did she know Jesus?  Was she one of the "women and children" who weren't counted among the 5000 men who were fed by the 5 loaves and 2 fish after hearing the Sermon on the Mount?  Veronica is moved to pity for Jesus.  His face was bloodied and swollen.  He carried the cross like a common criminal as he was paraded through the streets, scorned, and mocked.  Yet she loved him and wiped his face tenderly, and he left his beautiful countenance upon her veil and a gift for her love.

Mary, Simon, and Veronica are true disciples.  They all point us to Christ by being Christ-like.  Their role in his Passion teaches us how to love and to serve.  Just as Jesus told the apostles at the last supper that they would be called to serve, these stations teach us how to serve.

When People Don't Do What I Think They Should: Or, the Log in My Own Eye

Okay, that title is a bit verbose, but it reminds me of titles of novels in my Eighteenth Century British Lit class, so I'm just gonna roll with it.

Lately, I've noticed a lot of suffering in my little corner of the world.  Winter seems to be a "time to die" and many I know have lost loved ones this month.  Others struggle with relationships with family members.  Spouses forget the strength of their sacrament and when God is not the center of their relationship, the marriage suffers discord, some ending in divorce.  Parents argue with children who question the faith of their parents.  Children who are faithful to the Church lament their parents' lack of faith.  Cabin fever sets in, and even the most loving families start bickering and snapping at seemingly insignificant "injustices."

In my hypocritical little mind, I start thinking, "Why doesn't he just...." and "If only she would....they would be so much better off."  All the while, I'm snapping at my own family and complaining and whining about "stuff and nonsense."

What's a Christian to do?  Listen to our Lord!  We must remove the log in our own eye before we can help our brother notice the speck in his eye.  And identifying that speck must not be a self-righteous act.  That speck should only be noted in love and preferably at the request of our brother.

My youngest is preparing for First Confession, and our Catholic Heritage Curricula lesson plans recommend that the parents read sections of Fr. Leo J. Trese's The Faith Explained in preparation for instructing the children.  This little book has deeply enhanced my understanding of the sacraments.  The chapter on confession gives the formula for confession, but also goes into detail about the results of a good confession.  Of particular note is the following passage regarding "our reluctance to confess an ignoble deed":

The priest is not sitting self-righteously on the other side of the screen, ready to cluck his tongue at our misdeeds.  He is human, too.  He has to go to confession, too. Instead of despising us for what we have to tell, he admires the humility with which we have overcome our embarrassment.  The bigger the sin, the happier is the priest in the knowledge or our repentance.  If the priest should happen to know who the penitent is, his regard for the person will not decrease; on the contrary, his regard will be the greater because of the trust and confidence which the penitent has shown his confessor. (459)

At our baptism, we are called to be "priest, prophet, and king."  We, as non-ordained Catholics are not called to administer the Sacrament of Penance; however, we can remember the disposition of the priest Fr. Trese describes and share in it.  We do not sit in judgment over our brothers and sisters--that's God's job!  Our job is to pray for our brothers and sisters to find God in their lives and in one another.  We should despise sins, but we should love the sinner, especially when they seek forgiveness.

As for the log in our own eye, the easiest way to remove it is through regular confession.  Performing a daily examination of conscience, not to dwell on our sins in a scrupulous manner but to recognize them and ask the Lord's forgiveness, will make us mindful of our faults so we can work harder to avoid them in the future.  Confessing those faults and failings to a priest through the Sacrament of Confession cleanses us of our sinfulness and gives us the grace we need to live a Christian life.  Finally, when we recognize that our sinfulness has injured another, we ought to seek the forgiveness of that individual.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for the gift of my family.  Thank you for the gift of my friends whom I love as family.  Thank you for the gift of your Holy Church.  Thank you especially for your Mercy and Love, shown so substantially in the Sacraments of Confession and Communion.  Thank you for the Gifts of Your Holy Spirit, particularly for the Wisdom to recognize the log in my own eye and to not worry so much about those moments when people don't do what I think they should do.  I pray for them to do Your Holy Will, which is far better than anything I could ever hope for them.

Amen.

One Week Down....

Here we are, one week into Lent.  How's everyone doing?  So far, I have been tempted to look at Facebook, but not deeply.  I'm curious about what people are up to and if they've posted anything funny or intriguing.  However, I have successfully avoided logging in for a week.

Unfortunately, my hope to be more in tune and focused on my work as a result of giving up Facebook hasn't really happened yet.  I'm still behind in my grading.  A former classmate had an expression that suits grading essays: "It takes longer than it does."  I plan to finish a certain number of essays in an hour, and it never happens.  I'm perpetually behind.  I wonder if I give too many assignments, or if I should make more of them pass/fail.  Then, at the end of the semester, the students who "get it" specifically mention the usefulness of the progression of assignments, and I know that I'm doing something right.  I'm not the quickest professor in terms of returning graded work, but my students should be able to recognize two things:

1. I actually read what they write
2. I care about helping them improve their writing skills

In the end, that's really what my job is all about, so I need to stop whining about all the essays I need to grade and get it done.

The most important thing in Lent is not succeeding at a particular fast.  The most important thing is letting God take control and listening to his plan for us.  My intentions for the Facebook Fast are pure.  I want to pay better attention to the needs of my family and to be a better teacher.  I believe these motives are in line with God's will.  Therefore, I will continue my fast and pray that God uses my little sacrifice to mold me into the wife, mother, and teacher he wants me to be.

Facebook Fast

For the last two years, several of my Facebook friends have "given up" Facebook for Lent.  Some did the whole stretch from Ash Wednesday until Holy Saturday, coming back to say "Happy Easter!"  Others checked in on Sundays throughout Lent, which are not counted in the 40 Days.

Recently, I've noticed that completing my work has been very difficult.  As I've mentioned on this blog before, I'm easily distracted.  Since I teach distance education English classes, my work is all online.  I connect to my students through Blackboard and grade their papers on the computer.  When I open my internet browser, Facebook was not a home page for me, but it was a button on my browser bookmark bar that always showed at the top of the screen, calling me to check in no fewer than 10 times a day.

What could be so urgent?  I would scroll through the cute pictures, follow links to interesting articles, keep abreast of what was happening in my friends lives, all the while neglecting my work.  If my kids came down the hall, I'd feel like I got caught with my hand in the cookie jar.  I wasn't doing anything wrong but I still felt guilty.  The minutes and hours I could be spending on grading papers, cleaning my house, and most importantly, reading to and doing school with my children were being frittered away on Facebook.  The first step to recovery in any addiction program is for the addict to admit she has a problem.  However, we know that ultimately any exposure to the object of the addiction is detrimental.  I clearly have a Facebook problem. The question, though, is whether it's an addiction.

I've decided to refrain from Facebook for all of Lent, even Sundays.  I love the connectedness Facebook provides.  The quick delivery of information about events and the needs of my friends is of clear value.  However, unplugging and focusing on the people in my life seems to be where the Lord is calling me this Lent.  I pray that this time away will give me perspective and better control of my internet usage.  Information, like every tool, is a gift from God. Our usage of those gifts must be in conformity with God's will for us, which will always be accompanied by peace.  If Facebook makes you look over your shoulder like a kid with her hand in the cookie jar, clearly peace is not with your use of the gift.

Dear Lord, 

Please grant me the gift of Wisdom to recognize your will for me this Lent.  

Amen.