Regrouping on a Wednesday Morning

In the Veggie Tales "classic" Josh and the Big Wall,

the Israelites have come to claim the land of Jericho following the plan revealed to Joshua by an angel of the Lord. As the Israelites walk around the city, the People of Jericho mock them, their plan, and their God. Jimmy Gourd says that he and the other "Israelites" should "fall back and regroup" after the People of Jericho (i.e., the French Peas) throw slushies on their heads. Jimmy and Jerry Gourd then plan to develop a "better way" to knock the wall down--one that won't involve humiliation and obedience, a rocket called "The Wallminator 3000" which will blast through the wall. Joshua urges Jimmy and the other Israelites to continue day after day with the original plan, and eventually, the walls come crumbling down because they did it God's way.

I often feel like Jimmy Gourd--with a figurative slushy dripping on my face and my best plans falling apart in front of me. I keep thinking, if I develop the perfect plan, like the "Wallminator 3000," I will get all of my work done, do a great job homeschooling my children, have a beautiful, well-organized home, and complete the decorating and shopping all before December 24. Are these goals worthwhile? More importantly, are these plans how God wants me to spend my time?

I pray every day, but do I really listen? I praise, thank, and petition the Lord, but maybe I'm just a "clanging gong." What is God's plan for me? I read a blog this morning about the Blessed Mother's total surrender to the Lord. Mary stopped everything to listen to God's plan for her. Mary's fiat, her total, selfless "yes" to God, is the model of holiness. I realize that I can't say yes if I don't know what is being asked of me. Of course, I don't expect Gabriel to pop in and sit with me at the kitchen table to tell me over tea what the Lord is asking of me. So, how can I surrender to God's will?

Jimmy Gourd's idea to "fall back and regroup" isn't a bad plan. The problem is that he wanted a better plan than God's plan. Wednesdays tend to be a good time for me to regroup, to consider what is being asked of me and to move forward with focus and direction. How is the week going so far? Are we as a family on track with the things we hope to accomplish before the weekend? Most importantly, though, have I put God first in my plans?

Heavenly Father, 

You have given me so many gifts. For those I thank you and praise you.
Send your Holy Spirit to guide me.
Give me wisdom, understanding, knowledge, and counsel to recognize your will.
Give me piety, fortitude, and fear of the Lord that I may surrender to your will each day. 

Amen.

"O Mary Conceived without Sin, Pray for Us Who Have Recourse to Thee"

When I was in middle school, our church had a girl's sodality devoted to the Blessed Mother. New members were inducted on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception and given a Miraculous Medal on a long powder blue cord. I must have been 11 or 12 years old. I remember we went to church on a cold December weekday at night, which was unusual. I was already thinking about Christmas. I didn't realize the significance of the Marian feast that day, but I held onto the medal. I kept it in a special place with things I'd received for my First Communion, but I didn't understand what the words meant or that I should actually wear the medal and not keep it tucked away!

As my faith grew in my early adulthood, I learned more about the Miraculous Medal and began to wear mine regularly. All of my children teethed on the medal. The cord split. Since the cord was so long, I was able to knot it and still get it easily over my head to continue wearing it. 

This Monday is a Holy Day of Obligation, the Immaculate Conception. The words on the Miraculous Medal capture the essence of the Holy Day, "O Mary conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee." Many people misunderstand the dogma of the Immaculate Conception. The most common misconception is that the Immaculate Conception is the Annunciation (which is celebrated March 25) and the Virgin Birth. However, on December 8, we celebrate the conception of Mary in her mother Anne’s womb nine months before we celebrate the birth of Mary on September 8. Because she would bear the Christ, the Son of God, the Lord preserved her from the stain of Original Sin from the moment of her Conception. This Holy Vessel, this Living Tabernacle who would carry her Lord within her own human body must not be stained with sin. Mary, most holy and pure—Full of Grace, as the Angel Gabriel greeted her in Luke 1:28—God’s own mother must be Immaculate from the moment of her conception. And so, on December 8, we celebrate the tiny baby, Mary, in her mother’s womb who would later say “Yes” to God, no matter the cost. 

The Church invites us to know Mary, to love and honor her as our own mother. Mary suffered deeply. Her betrothed initially thought she was an adulterer and planned to divorce her (of course, in a dream the Angel helped Joseph recognize he could trust his wife). She birthed her baby in a dirty stable. She had to flee with a newborn to Egypt so he wouldn’t be slaughtered. At the Presentation, Simeon told her that her heart would be pierced with a sword. She was at the foot of the Cross when God’s own son paid for our guilt. 

When the pains you endure in this daily life are too much to bear, know that our Mother Mary intimately understands our human sufferings. She will console you.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women, 
and Blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, 
Pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Late August and Anxious Moments

I looked at the calendar yesterday and realized my first-born would be leaving in a week for college and minor seminary. I briefly met one other "Seminarian's Mom" at the registration and parent orientation day at the college in June. She is the only other person I "know" (we talked for one hour) whose son is discerning the priesthood. To say I am alone in uncharted waters would be overly dramatic, but I'm feeling a bit, well, alone in uncharted waters!

As my friends would likely attest, I'm prone to uncontrollable bouts of tears. My dad has referred to me as a "soft touch." I am rather sensitive. I thought, though, that I could handle this change without weeping. And here I sit. Eyes filling and tears blurring my vision as I try to say something profound about an experience that isn't really new. It's just new to me.

Lots of moms are sending their children off to college in the next few weeks. For some, it's the eldest. Others are now becoming "empty nesters." And many others are somewhere in between.

I remember when I was getting ready to start college. A young man who worked in the store next to where I worked in a mall joked that I was heading out in search of an "M-R-S degree." It took me a minute to process his joke (Mrs. degree), which I didn't find funny and which didn't happen in college. I was 17, and when I left home, I was still "home"--I lived with my grandmother during college and not in a dorm. However, I never did move back to my parents' house after that summer. I'm expecting my 17-year-old will likely be at our on breaks, but he may not really live with us after this week.

As I wrote the previous sentence, the waterfall of tears flowed harder. Is he scared? Will he be okay? Will he manage his time well and get enough rest? Have I taught him enough life skills for him to be on his own? Will the other seminarians say, "Didn't your mother ever teach you ... ?" Okay, I know it's not about me, but we all know many a shortcoming is blamed on the faulty parenting skills of the mother. Will his siblings miss him? Will they still have a good relationship with him after he leaves?

I'm scared. He'll only be a couple of hours away, but I won't be there if he needs me. I'm also scared that he won't need me any more.

Dear Son,

As you head off to college, remember your manners. Remember to set your alarm. And a back-up alarm. Try to go to sleep at a reasonable hour. Use a calendar. Put all of your appointments and assignments on the calendar, even if you believe you can remember them. Study. Make good friendships. Exercise. Eat well. Sleep. Have fun and go to sporting events with your friends, even if you don't like to sport. Most importantly, pray. Pray before you eat. Pray when you study. Pray before bed. Pray with your friends. Pray for your siblings who will miss you dreadfully, even if they don't say it. Pray for Dad, who is also going to miss you so much. Of course, you know I will miss you. I will be praying for you every day. Please also pray for me.

Love always,

Mom

Will Decluttering Help My ADD?

What makes me most distracted? Hmm--that's a tough one. I would say weeds and junk. If I walk outside between May and October, I will often lose track of my original mission and begin pulling weeds. If I walk into another room in the house to get something, I often forget my mission as I notice clutter along the way. I'm hoping that my participation in a decluttering mission for June will help me maintain focus as I move from one room to the next in my daily chores.

Today is Day 12 of the Minimalism Game. I had out of town company for days 8-11, so I did a couple days ahead of time, and I've caught up with the rest today. Over the past few months, my children have been on a chore rotation where the responsibility of washing and drying dishes and emptying the dishwasher is on a weekly rotation. The chores have gotten done consistently on most days. I'm always delighted to walk into the kitchen before bed and see that all the dishes have been washed, dried, and put away. Unfortunately, like a "clean" bedroom with a messy closet and a pile of stuff under the bed, my kitchen has become cluttered behind closed doors and drawers.

From time to time, I, as the mother and homemaker, must step in and correct the mess. I could "make them do it." I've taught them all many times to stack bowls of the same shape together and to corral the lids in a zipper bag to keep the storage container cabinet neat. In fact, I probably will recruit one of them to fix that particular mess. But the drawers and pantry were full of little bits of stuff that could easily be recycled or thrown away, ultimately making the clean-up process easier since the closets and drawers could more comfortably hold the items that really belong there in an orderly fashion. In any case, the decision of what to keep or toss is up to me.

With that goal in mind, I purged the following items.

Day 10:

I recycled 10 old gardening magazines. I did get distracted and look through all of them one last time. However, I discovered that radish seed pods can be used in stir fries, so it was worth the look (I have several radishes that have gone to flower this week).

Day 11:

1. Cat medication (over 4 years old)
2. Almost empty bottle of calcium with a "best used by date" of October 2010
3. Bottle of blackstrap molasses. Yes, it's a good source of iron. But it's gross.
4. Nearly empty can of Clorox Disinfecting Spray (I don't use many chemicals in the house anymore, so it has been in the closet for years!)
5. Dried out floral foam
6. Container of mini Christmas cookie cutters--used once, 6 years ago.
7. Lint roller handle for which I can no longer find refills
8. Bottle of eye medicine from 2011
9. Old shoe box that had corralled vinegar and other bottles in the pantry. Replaced with nice round tray that will function as a Lazy Susan.
10 & 11 Several Walgreens prescription instructions and an empty cough medicine bottle

Day 12

1. Broken plastic fork
2. Instructions for a salad spinner
3. Instructions for a can opener
4. Bent metal fork someone found in the yard, which was washed and put on the side in the silverware drawer years ago. Nobody has ever used it.
5. Broken wax crayon for use with Easter egg coloring
6-10 Medicine cups and spoons with calibration that is worn and hard to read
11 & 12 plastic baby spoon and fork set with teeth marks

All items except the cookie cutters went to the recycling or trash. I will give the cookie cutters to a friend or donate them to Goodwill since they are like new. As I have been decluttering for nearly two weeks, I am delighted when I open and close a drawer without a struggle. I feel more peaceful when things are orderly. And, if things are orderly, I can more easily maintain focus.

The kitchen is in much better shape now, and I have a better idea of what is on hand in the pantry and refrigerator. My next step is to make a menu and grocery list. Since the clutter is gone, I should be able to sit in the kitchen and get the lists done without distractions.

Do you struggle with ADD? Is your house cluttered? Maybe a month of the Minimalism Game will help you cut the clutter and establish more focus. If you try it, let me know how it goes!

Disclaimer: I am not trained as a doctor or psychologist, so I don't have professional qualifications to help you with ADD or ADHD. I'm simply a person who is easily distracted and is happy to share my experiences on things I've tried that help me to maintain focus.

My Grandmother's Dress

My 94-year-old grandma is selling her house and moving to a lovely independent living "villa." It's a condo-like duplex with a sun room that overlooks woods and a lake. Grandma loves bird watching, and I imagine many feathered friends will flit outside her new windows this spring and summer. In addition to the beauty of the place, the community atmosphere will give her a chance to make new friends and enjoy activities in the main building while having her independence and privacy at her new home. If she needs more care in the future, assisted living apartments are available.

Last Monday I drove from my home in New England to the Midwest to help my mother (who lives in a neighboring state and had arrived a couple days earlier), grandmother, and aunt. We sorted, packed, and purged items from grandma's home so that she only takes what she really wants and needs to the villa. The house she is selling has lots of storage, which means she had plenty of space to keep everything. I told my husband that I am glad our house doesn't have much storage space because having lots of storage space simply means the storage space gets filled with stuff.

The schnauzer-boxer mix puppy who almost
convinced me to bring her home
from the animal shelter.

From Tuesday through Saturday we gathered, sorted, and purged. Many boxes and bags were delivered to Goodwill. A local hospital had a paper shredding event where we took three or four large boxes. We took a grill and a spreader to the curb and smiled when they disappeared before morning (one woman's trash...). We filled the garage with items for an auctioneer to collect before the big move. We took towels, sheets, and newspapers to an animal shelter. With all we purged, Grandma will still have plenty of her personal items to make the new place feel like home.

I am so proud of my grandma. This decision was very hard for her, but she's been brave. Like most people, she doesn't like change. She was comfortable living in her own home. However, she realized that she honestly couldn't maintain a house on her own anymore. She got choked up several times when she looked at paperwork that mentioned her family and friends who died before her, including all three of her sons. Many memories were stirred up throughout the week as we handled gifts and cards, obituaries and photographs.

As we sorted, my mother and I each took some items that were special or useful to us. Grandma used to do a lot of canning and gardening. I learned those hobbies from her, so I took some of the kitchen and garden tools.

I spent a good bit of time scrubbing and sweeping spaces that had been hard for Grandma to maintain for the past few years since climbing stairs has become difficult, and a bit scary, for her. This "alone time" gave me a chance to reflect. Many families have to go through their loved ones belongings after they pass away. I feel very blessed that we were able to go through the things with Grandma. We got to hear stories of where certain items were purchased (like the full set of Fiesta dishes she and Grandpa bought for $25 when they were first married) or the juice glasses her mother purchased in Florida when they owned a motel in Ft. Lauderdale.

The week also gave me a chance to spend time with my aunt (Grandma's daughter-in-law) who has been a generous caretaker for Grandma for many years. Since Grandma stopped driving about 10 years ago, my aunt has taken her to doctor's appointments, the hairdresser, and the grocery store. She really made it possible for Grandma to live on her own for much longer than she could have otherwise with my mom and I living several hours away in opposite directions. We enjoyed having several meals together in between the cleaning and packing.

Grandma's dress, which is now my dress.

Toward the end of the week, my mother discovered a clothing item in an upstairs room where Grandma's knitting and good linens were stored. Mom held out a long dress which she seemed ready to pop in a Goodwill bag. I grabbed it and held it up to myself. Grandma was about 5'2 before osteoporosis and age shrunk her height to well below 5 feet. I'm about 5'5 and the dress comes to my ankles. I took it downstairs and asked Grandma whose it was. She said it was hers--that she had worn it for bowling banquets. I imagined her 40 or 50 years ago, standing tall in 3" heels wearing her floor-length gown to receive an award at her bowling banquet. Then I went in the bedroom to try on the dress. The dress looks as though it were tailor-made for me. I'll probably wear it with flat sandals rather than high heels, but I will wear it and think of her.

The week went by quickly, but I'm so grateful to have spent the time with my grandma, mom, and aunt as grandma prepares for the next chapter in her life.

Movie Review: Mary of Nazareth

Mary of Nazareth: The birth of Jesus.

Photo Credit – Photo Courtesy of Ignatius Press

Synopsis: This full-length feature film about the life of Our Lady, shot in English in high definition, was filmed in [Tunisia]. Actress Alissa Jung gives a beautiful, compelling and inspired portrayal of Mary…. Directed by acclaimed European film director Giacomo Campiotti (BAKHITA, DOCTOR ZHIVAGO, ST. GIUSEPPE MOSCATI) and written by Francesco Arlanch (RESTLESS HEART, PIUS XII, POPE JOHN PAUL II), in addition to the luminous performance by Jung, the film provides inspiring portrayals of all the main roles, including Andreas Pietschmann as Jesus, Luca Marinelli as Joseph, Paz Vega as Mary Magdalene and Antonia Liskova as Herodias. The original music score was written by Guy Farley. (Carmel Communications for Ignatius Press). Watch trailer here.

Who is My Mother?

From the cross, Jesus gave Mary to us as our mother. Mary, the mother of our Lord, has appeared to the faithful over the centuries, consoling and instructing us. She knows us and loves us as our tender mother. But do we know her? We encounter Mary through her brief appearances in the scriptures, through the stories of saints who experienced visions of her, and especially through recitation of the rosary. St. Juan Diego left us his tilma with her image. St. Bernadette and the children of Fatima gave us her messages to repent and to pray the rosary. And yet, “Mary is a mystery,” as the character of her father Joachim says in the new Ignatius Press release of the motion picture Mary of Nazareth. 

Just as the prayer of the rosary reflects on the mysteries of the life of Jesus and his mother, Mary, Mary of Nazareth illuminates those mysteries in the medium of film as I’ve never encountered in other portrayals of the Blessed Mother. This artistic representation of Mary has been hailed by movie critics and Marian experts alike. As I watched the film, my love and admiration for both Mary and Joseph grew deeper, and I got to know my heavenly mother. 

Ordinary Things

In Mary of Nazareth, Mary’s mystery shines in the ordinary. Just before Joseph’s marriage proposal, she sits on a rock in a garden with the sheep. The Angel Gabriel arrives while Mary is making bread.  Jesus and the twelve arrive while Mary picks carrots. Again, Mary is making bread as Jesus instructs his apostles to be salt and light. 

As Mary (Jung) does these ordinary things throughout the film, the viewer is captivated by her joy and serenity.  After she returns from assisting Elizabeth with the birth of John the Baptist, the villagers treat her with disdain for her out-of-wedlock pregnancy.  When Mary and her mother, Ann (Antonella Attili), go to pick olives, the other women leave, harrumphing and looking at her with contempt.  Another young woman in a similar situation may have gotten angry, insulted, or depressed by their harsh treatment.  Mary clearly recognizes their disgust, but she remains serene, gathering the fruit.  She knows the child she carries is not the son of man and she has committed no sin.  She trusts the Lord, who through the angel told her to “Rejoice!” and so she does.  In fact, she rarely stops smiling throughout the film, so deep is her joy.

Relationships

The original film was 200 minutes, while the Ignatius Press version is edited to 153 minutes.  As a result of the editing, some viewers may miss the connection between Mary (Jung) and Mary Magdalene (Paz Vega).  Another reviewer who viewed the full-length Maria de Nazaret explained that the two women were close friends as girls.  Mary’s path in life begins with a childhood spent in the temple, learning about the Lord. Magdalene’s path leads her to Herod’s court and a pursuit of worldly desires which nearly ends in her stoning.  The reunion of the women set against the backdrop of Jesus’ teaching the parable of the prodigal son shows the Gospel message of mercy and love in a profound, telling way.  Mary’s and Magdalene’s friendship reminds us of Mary’s humanity.

Of course, many reviewers have discussed the relationship between Mary (Jung) and Jesus (Andreas Pietschmann).  Their interaction reveals a closeness, particularly before the Last Supper, that reveals much about Our Lady’s role in salvation history.  These talented actors capture the emotion and tenderness between mother and son in each scene they share.

The relationship that most deeply touched my heart was between Mary (Jung) and Joseph (Luca Marinelli).  We hear in Matthew’s gospel that Joseph, “a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to send her away quietly” (Mt 1:19) when Mary was found to be with child “before they came together” (Mt 1:18). Joseph loves Mary.  Rather than focus on his righteousness, Joseph tells Mary the information about her pregnancy is too much. He says, “I’m just a man.” The turn of phrase here—the double meaning of “just” emphasizes his humanity.  This man chosen by God to raise his son and protect his mother cannot believe the news, but he refuses to bring harm, shame, and death to his beloved.  At the moment of his deepest grief, the angel appears in his dream, and, through the gift of God’s grace, Joseph begins to live a similar joy to that of Mary.

There Is My Mother!

You don’t want to miss a moment of this film! We know the highlights of Mary’s life—we reflect on them in the Mysteries of the Rosary.  In Mary of Nazareth, the story we know so well comes to life, in all of its tender humanity. This movie will change your life.  You will have a new appreciation for the joys and sorrows of Our Lady—you will get to know your mother.

Evangelization Tool

Currently, Ignatius Press is offering Mary of Nazareth through sponsored screenings.  The San Damiano Youth Group from the Basilica of St. Stanislaus in Chicopee, Massachusetts, will be hosting a screening at 7:30 p.m. on January 18, 2014.  Tickets are $10 and the fundraiser will help defray the costs of the group’s annual summer camp and retreat.  The San Damiano Youth Group hosted Restless Heart: The Confessions of St. Augustine last January as a Year of Faith movie event and is excited to share this latest Ignatius Press release with the Diocese of Springfield.  

A Bleb that Burst

I got the call  from the school nurse Tuesday morning around 8:00.  Just an hour earlier I told my eldest child (age 16) to have a good day at school, and off he went to the bus stop.  I had lots of plans for the day, and I headed out to the garden right after he left so I could beat the heat and get some planting and weeding done.   I surveyed the bed, overgrown with various weeds, and dropped to my knees.  I smiled, thinking how much I enjoy gardening, even just pulling weeds, and how it gives me some quiet time to be with God. I remembered a few people I had intended to pray for and offered my time kneeling in the garden for their intentions and for anyone else who might need prayer. My husband called out that he was leaving for work, so I popped in the house for a few minutes, then went back to work in the yard.  About 10 minutes later, I heard the phone ringing, so I dashed to the house.  I picked up on the third ring, and the voice on the other end introduced herself as the school nurse. She explained that my son was experiencing chest pain on the right side and that I should come pick him up.

When I arrived at the school, the nurse talked about anxiety or the possibility of pneumothorax, a collapsed lung, as the source of the chest pain.  A visit to the pediatrician increased the suspicion for pneumothorax, which was then confirmed by chest x-ray.  We went to the Emergency Room next.  I must say, all of the staff at the hospital were fantastic.  They were expecting us when we arrived and explained everything in detail.

A wonderful physician assistant explained what pneumothorax is and how it happens.  She drew a sketch to help explain what happened to his lung and how the condition is treated.  She said that some people (particularly young, tall, thin white males like my son) have "blebs" on their lungs which are like blisters.  They can be there for years and never cause a problem.  Sometimes, though, a bleb will burst, causing air to leak into the chest cavity and the lung to collapse.  The initial treatment is a chest tube inserted between the ribs.  The tube is attached to suction which removes the air from the chest cavity so the lung can refill and heal.

When she left, a child life professional (a sort of counselor) talked to my son, making sure he was calm and comfortable with each part of his care in the Emergency Room.   She reiterated that he would be awake for the procedures, including an IV, numbing and relaxing medicine, a small incision, and then the insertion of the tube.  Yes, he would be conscious for the whole procedure, though the medication would make it likely that he may forget parts of it.

The pediatric surgeon and his team came next.  They reviewed the procedure again, telling my son about what was happening and how they would take care of him.  Everything seemed to move quickly after that.

First, the nurse inserted an IV for fluids and medication. When it was time for the chest tube insertion, I was able to stay with him and hold his hands.  In fact, I needed to hold his hands to keep him from moving during the procedure. A whole team entered the tiny space. The facility is a teaching hospital, so students, residents, and an attending surgeon were all there.  The site for the chest tube was then cleaned and draped to keep it sterile.

The child life professional stayed with us throughout the procedure, talking to my son and making sure he understood what was happening.  She also kept him distracted as needed to permit the doctors to complete their work.

When he seemed to get nervous or feel pain, I brought my face close to his, held tightly to his hands and prayed the "Hail Mary" aloud.  He calmed immediately, and I felt the protection of Our Lady wrapping her mantle around us both.  When the tube was in place, a burst of air released from the chest cavity, causing the lung to refill.  This moment was frightening.  He began to cough violently.  I got dizzy as I held tighter to his hands so he wouldn't flail as the doctors taped and secured the tube.  I scanned the faces in the room and locked eyes with the physician assistant.  She reassured me that his response was normal, but I still felt woozy.  The nurse brought me some orange juice.  She held the cup as I sipped through a straw, still holding my boy's hands for dear life.  I looked at the spot where the tube was inserted and realized it was very near to the spot where "one of the soldiers pierced [Jesus'] side with a spear, and at once there came out blood and water" (John 19:34, RSV).  I united my little suffering, of dizziness and concern for my son, to Mary's suffering at Jesus' Passion.

As a Catholic, who just celebrated Pentecost this past weekend, the Holy Spirit was clearly on my mind.  I thought of the dry bones in Ezekiel 37:1-14, especially when the Lord instructed to "Prophesy to the spirit, prophesy son of man, and say to the spirit, 'Thus says the Lord God: Come from the four winds, O spirit, and breathe upon these slain, that they may live'" (Ez 37:8).  I thanked God for the gift of breath as my son's lungs filled, that he may live.

He was admitted to the hospital and moved to a room a little while after the procedure.

The next morning, one of our dear Friars from our Franciscan parish came to administer the sacrament of Anointing of the Sick to my son.  Many friends and family are praying for his healing.  The "prayer cover" has helped us all to maintain a sense of calm and trust in the care of the medical professionals during this time.  As of Wednesday evening, he still had a leak, requiring the continued use of suction to remove the leaking air.  By Thursday morning, the suction was removed, but x-rays still show a small hole and leak in the lung.

We are hoping that Friday will bring him home with the hole sealed and healed.  It's in God's hands, though, and in His time, not ours.  We do not know God's plan or how He will use this suffering.  Already, it has given us an opportunity to recognize how precious each life is.  It has given us an opportunity to ask for prayers from friends and family, uniting us in ways that we miss when everyone is healthy and going about their regular daily business.

Come Holy Spirit, Come. Breathe on us, Breath of God.

And My Life Was Never the Same...Praise God!

Sixteen years ago I gave birth to my first child.  The beginning of the pregnancy included a scare.  Just one month into our marriage, Mike took me to the ER since I was experienceing severe abdominal pain.  We found out over the course of a few hours that I was pregnant, but that the pregnancy may be ectopic. As the tests were inconclusive, I was sent home for "two days of bed rest," but didn't make it 24 hours.  I returned by ambulance the next day, followed by emergency surgery. When the doctor administered the anesthesia, I had no idea whether I'd be pregnant when I woke.  I had spent the previous night in tears and prayer.

A couple weeks later, just as I healed from surgery, the morning sickness kicked in.  I lost about 15 pounds in the first trimester.  I feared for the health of the baby, but felt like a baby myself because I could barely walk across a room or cook a meal without holding onto something.  I was weak, but God had a plan.

The queasy months were a sign of a healthy pregnancy.  The baby grew.  We found out we were having a boy, and we gave him a name when he was still in the womb.  I talked to him a lot.  I was finishing graduate school, so as a "belly rider" (my husband coined that term for the child in the womb, and it always makes me smile), my growing infant attended class with me.  He and I shared secret moments as he fluttered, kicked, and squirmed while I was learning Discourse Theory or studying Working Class literature.

After a tumultuous beginning to my pregnancy, my husband and I grew closer to God and to one another as we prayed a daily rosary for the health of our unborn baby.  Eight months to the day after the surgery, I held a healthy 8-pound baby boy in my arms.  And my life was never the same.

The Rainy Seasons of Life

When one thinks of the seasons of life, they may consider childhood, adolescence, adulthood, and old age.  That simple list of four seasons, like spring, summer, fall, and winter, doesn't really capture the variety of the "weather" that makes our lives.  Just as "springtime" in New England can mean everything from blizzards to thunderstorms and sunshine to clouds with temperatures ranging from the teens to the eighties, each big season of our lives includes a variety of weather patterns.

My adult life has included a variety of weather already.  I just noticed that tomorrow marks 20 years since I earned my bachelor's degree.  It seems like just a few years ago I was a young, single recent college grad at her first full-time job, then a young wife and mother.  Where did the time go?  Now I'm the mother of four children ranging in age from 7 to almost 16 years old.  The season of mothering teens is much different than mothering infants and toddlers.

I spent this afternoon with my daughter at a mini orientation for "out of district" children who will be attending the rather large (2000+ students) public high school this fall.  The group of about 20 eighth graders included children from parochial and charter schools as well as homeschoolers (not sure if we were the only ones in that category).  The guidance counselors and principal gave us information about academics, clubs, and more.  The students took a language arts placement test while the parents went to another room with the counselors.  The counselors spoke about a variety of services and topics, including academic ineligibility for sports and summer school for those who fail classes.  This concept is somewhat foreign to me.  As an educator, I know that not everyone passes every course.  However, I wondered just how may kids have to take summer school classes--how many students fail one or more classes or have a GPA too low to participate in sports.

The counselors spoke about cyber bullying and emotional issues with which guidance can help.  They spoke highly of the principal and his zero tolerance for bullying, violence, or gang activity at the school.  They recognized that the school is not perfect--it's populated with human teenagers after all--but they gave me a sense that their priority is the success of every student who walks through their doors.  Their enthusiasm (in March, no less!) gave me the sense that they are dedicated to their work and that my daughter will be in the right place next fall to help her achieve her goals for high school.

The thing I liked most about this meeting was the guidance counselors' emphasis on the role of the parent in the child's success.  They encouraged all of the parents to contact the school whenever we had a concern.  One of my hesitations about public education was the idea that I was "giving my kids to the system."  I did not get that sense from the staff at the high school.  I see them as partners in the next season of my parenting journey--letting my only daughter venture into the big world of high school and not holding her hand.  Yes, my heart will be with her, and I'm likely to cry when she heads to the corner to catch the bus in August.  But, my children will tell you, everything makes me cry--mostly the good stuff!  I'll also cry when she runs her first high school cross country meet, when she brings home an art project, or when she acts in a play.  My happiest seasons are notoriously "rainy."

Honestly, I'm pretty confident in my daughter's ability to avoid trouble, succeed academically, and to adjust to this big change next fall.  I'm excited to see how much she will grow and change from a girl into a young woman over the next four years.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NAB)

^*There is an appointed time for everything,
and a time for every affair under the heavens.
A time to give birth, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant.
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to tear down, and a time to build.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them;
a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces.
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away.
A time to rend, and a time to sew;a time to be silent, and a time to speak.
A time to love, and a time to hate;
a time of war, and a time of peace.

Changes and Tears

I just sent a message to my dean at the community college to let her know I'm not planning to teach the summer session this year.  I planned to take the summer off last year, too, but ended up teaching.  I received the "Teaching Availability Form" yesterday that has the same sentence as the form last year, "If not returned by this date, we will assume that you do not wish to teach this semester."  I tossed the form in the recycling bin last year because I thought it was time to take the summer off--after all, isn't that one of the perks of teaching?  In most of my years as a work-at-home mom (I teach distance education courses), I have worked throughout the summer, in spite of saying every February and March that my plan is to have fun with the kids and work in the garden all summer long.

Even though the form promised otherwise, my neglect to send any communication regarding my teaching preferences landed me a distance education summer session.   I know that the distance courses fill up first and I felt duty-bound to accept the course and not leave the college without a section for eager freshman composition students.

My youngest will be 8 at the end of summer.  I've worked every summer since he was born--it's time for my sabbatical!  Instead of assuming that the absence of a form would guarantee my break, I put the message in writing today that I'm taking off this summer.  I started to elaborate, and got teary-eyed.  I deleted the extra details and decided to leave it at "I'm taking this summer off."

So, why now?  I have a few reasons.  The first four are my children.  My oldest started attending a public high school this fall after several years of homeschooling.  He will be a senior in the fall, and when I write those words my eyes fill with tears.  I can't believe it will be our last summer before "The Summer before College."  My only daughter has opted to attend the big public high school (2000 students!) next fall as a freshman after 6 years of homeschooling.  My sixth grader may be going to the same 6-12 grade Magnet School that my oldest son attends.  That will leave my 2nd grader at home with just me for the first time since he was a toddler.  The older children started homeschooling when he turned two.  We'll have a different sort of empty nest in September.

I don't imagine that the kids will want to hang out with me all day every day this summer, but I want to have the flexibility to get up and take off with the kids to the park or the beach or to hang out and watch a movie in the air conditioning on a hot, rainy July day without worrying that I have papers to grade and emails to answer.

Next school year will be full of changes, but I'm hoping the memories of a summer full of love and togetherness will make the transition smoother for all of us.

Simple Prayer for the United States of America

Today the Church celebrates the Conversion of St. Paul the Apostle.  May the scales fall from the eyes of government officials today.  May they see the thousands of pilgrims who have peacefully entered our Nation's Capitol to pray for a conversion of the United States of America from a Culture of Death to a Culture of Life. Through Christ Our Lord, AMEN.

Bouquets of Love

Bouquets of Love Funny how time doesn't change much!  I originally published this piece on CatholicExchange.com when Elizabeth was 7.  At 13, her creations are different, but she's still my Artist Girl!

The Catholic Baby Name Book by Patrice Fagnant-MacArthur

Today, I wish to direct you to a post on the Spiritual Woman blog by my dear friend Patrice Fagnant-MacArthur: The Catholic Baby Name Book is Now Available for Pre-Order.  If you know expectant parents, Confirmation candidates/confirmation teachers, or authors looking for character names, this book would be great for any and all of the above!

A.D.D., A.D.O.S., or Life in the Internet Age?

When I started this little blog, I hoped it would motivate me to get my laundry room organized and eliminate clutter in my domestic church.  The thought of taking pictures of my newly organized space and sharing successes in the hopes of helping other distracted moms inspired me. We had succeeded in painting just one short wall and organizing a few sections of the laundry room when the temporary lull in our family schedule disappeared.  I haven't been able to finish anything else in that space since school started.

Last Friday, I finally moved the clutter out of the "family room" section of the basement and back into the laundry room since I know I won't be painting any other walls before Christmas.  Back to square one!  The section of the room that was destined to be a workout area is again full of boxes of clothing and art supplies that I haven't used in three years.

Which begs the question: Why can't I just finish the job?  My blog post that has gotten the most traffic is "Maybe I have A.D.D," so I recognize that many of you must have similar struggles.  Is it A.D.D. or something else? I know I have difficulty staying on task when I'm online.  If I am grading student essays, I am often curious about ideas in their papers which prompt me to do a "quick" search.  Next thing I know, I've checked two or three sites that are related to the essay.  Then I notice that I have received a new email and take a moment to read the message.  Next thing I know, I've spent 45 minutes to do a 15 minute task.

The problem isn't isolated to internet usage.  My parents and grandma came to visit for my son's confirmation this past weekend.  I was spinning in circles for days before they arrived.  My timer helped me stay focused enough to keep the laundry up-to-date.  However, everything else I did was interrupted by my own racing mind.  Shaking the rugs from the bathroom would remind me to scrub the trash baskets which in turn would remind me that the wall in the kitchen had cobwebs on it.  Meanwhile, I needed to make an urgent appointment at the pediatrician and buy groceries before taking one child to swimming and picking the other up from cross country.  Not to mention music lessons.  I chose to homeschool because we wanted to give our children a good, Catholic education, and because I wanted flexibility and family-control of our schedule. Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to give someone else control of the schedule--someone who has a better sense of time and the ability to say no.

My guess is that a lot of my readers who are finding me through a search about A.D.D. are equally scattered and busy.  My friend told me about a "condition" called A.D.O.S.--Attention Deficit, Ooooooh Shiny! Those suffering A.D.O.S. are easily distracted by shiny objects or exciting things.  The exciting things are my shiny objects.  I often think I have time to do this little project or that fundraiser, and next thing I know I'm stressed out, behind on my work, and impatient.

Like I said, the children are involved in numerous activities which are all great for them.  But driving them here, there, and everywhere leads to chaos.  I long for simplicity, but thwart my own efforts by seeking out activities to fill the day.

Hurricane Sandy and the other two big storms are set to converge, which may lead to widespread power outages.  Last October, our area suffered a week-long power outage.  Other than being a bit chilly because our forced-air gas furnace relies on electricity, the week was great!  We read books, spent time together, and didn't have to go anywhere for days.  My A.D.D. or A.D.O.S. was gone for the week!  I had clarity and focus, and the house stayed pretty clean.  I honestly don't want the power to go out today, but I'm glad the outside activities are already cancelled. We'll "do school" this morning and maybe some baking as long as the power is on, and then just be together the rest of the day--sweetness !

October Baby's Gentle Mother

Last spring, the movie October Baby opened in limited theaters, surprising many with its success--8th at the Box Office and 3rd in per-theater ticket sales on the same opening weekend as the blockbuster hit, Hunger Games.  October Baby came out on DVD and Blu-Ray last week, on September 11, so if you missed it in theaters, you can now rent or purchase the movie or host a movie night at your church.

My city was lucky enough to have two theaters pick up the movie in an expanded release in April.  Our parish's youth group attended the movie together.  I took my two oldest children and their two friends (who are siblings). After the movie, the youth group shared ice cream and great conversations about many important topics touched upon in the movie: the dignity of human life, forgiveness, chastity, and adoption, just to name a few.  The conversation continued during our ride home, touching on those topics in a beautiful way inspired by the film.

The movie has a powerful message of love, the dignity of all human life, and forgiveness told through the experience of Hannah (played by Rachel Hendrix), a college freshman who just found out she was adopted after surviving a failed abortion attempt.  Hannah isn't the only character who finds healing in the film--all of the characters grow in some way.

Her adoptive mother, played Jennifer Price (Grace), hasn't been discussed much in the reviews I've read.  Hannah's father, Jacob (played by John Schneider) has gotten much more attention as he has a more central role in the plot development. Their marriage and their parenthood, however, are both truly heroic.  I won't spoil the plot here, but I will say that the seemingly "small" role that Price plays in the film touched me in a very special way as a mother.  She suffered a tragic loss, and then another tragic loss.  She raised her adopted daughter, who suffered numerous health problems, and loved her as her own flesh.  Her role reminded me of both the Blessed Mother and St. Joseph.  She raised a child who was not her biological child, just as Joseph did, answering a call from God (her "call" wasn't in a dream, but in a bulletin about babies needing a home).  In another pivotal scene, Grace tells Jacob, "I think we need to trust our daughter."  I could hear Mary telling the servants at the Wedding at Cana, "Do whatever he tells you," before Our Lord's first public miracle. She is a woman of deep faith and deep love.  She recognizes the value of life.  Though Hannah wasn't her biological child, Grace mothers her tenderly and lovingly, as the beautiful child of God that Hannah is.  In my own parenting, on those days when I struggle most, I try to remember that even though I gave birth to my four children, "They are His, not mine.  They are on loan from God, and I need to care for them with a deep, abiding love that reflects the One who gave them to me."  Grace personifies God's love for his children in October Baby.

Abortion and adoption are touchy topics, especially during this election year when the current administration is touting its anti-life platform with great hubris.  This movie handles tough topics in a very human, loving way, focusing on the freedom one gains through forgiving another.

Most everyone in the United States knows women who have had abortions, though it's not something they are likely to share.  I can only imagine the struggles they have suffered--some with the father of the child and the nature of their conception, some with having "too many" children already, others with fear of what others would think.  There are many reasons a woman would seek an abortion, and I empathize with their struggle.  Many of those women may have made a different choice with counseling, with support from family and friends, or with church support. Many struggle with health and fertility issues related to the abortion, and so many suffer psychologically from the loss. Movies like October Baby give people on both sides of the political topic of abortion a chance to find common ground--looking at the "issue" in terms of a life that was saved and the love that grew through the lives Hannah touched on her journey to discover "who she is."  The "Grace" in her life, her adoptive mother, helped guide and shape the baby who grew into a young woman with the power to forgive.

October Baby is a movie worth seeing--and seeing again.  If you saw October Baby in theaters, buy a copy to share with your friends who missed it.  If you missed the movie last spring, get a copy and watch it this weekend!