|Curled up safe on Mama's bed.|
The darkness descended upon us in October. During Advent, I was hopeful. By Christmas, I still felt meh.
At New Year's, I made some goals and tried some challenges. I didn't quite achieve as much as I had hoped, and the clean eating thing fell apart a few weeks into the challenge when I neglected the exercise portion. The focus on goals related to food and finance interests me, but it hasn't helped my disposition.
Lent began, and in those first weeks I was reading a spiritual book and going to a discussion group at church. Again, I was hopeful that my mood would improve. The spiritual boost from the book seemed to be transforming me as my daily focus started to shift: "Our lives change when our habits change" (Matthew Kelly). Alas, one of the February book discussion events was cancelled due to a pending snowstorm, and the next discussion meeting was a month away. I stopped reading and stopped changing my habits. The meh feeling came back full force.
I don't want to have a self-hosted pity party. I don't want my readers to feel sorry for me. I want to find the holiness God wants for me. I want to stop hiding and start living.
How? How can I let God in and listen to his voice? How do I let God coax me out of my dark, quiet hiding place?
I suppose the first step is to go back to the book, to Rediscover Catholicism. My faith is the reason for so much of what forms me, and yet I'm not really living as the "best version of myself" as Matthew Kelly says.
Send your Holy Spirit to guide me during the final weeks of Lent. Help me prepare to receive you with true Easter Joy.