FlyLady Motto and My New Year's "Musing"

The FlyLady offers thoughtful reflections in her "Morning Musings." She often mentions that perfectionism is a problem for "Sidetracked Home Executives" (SHEs). Today's musing is How Our Mottos Gently FlyWash Us. Over the past few days I was wondering what the new motto would be--and now I'm wondering if I can come up with one that the FlyLady would like.

When I discovered the FlyLady website about six years ago, I initially scoffed at this concept that perfectionism was negative. What could possibly be wrong with doing things correctly and thoroughly? For readers who are unfamiliar with the FlyLady, she offers a sensible, realistic, and gentle approach to home management.  Do I follow every idea she presents?  No.  If I did, though, I'd probably be more relaxed, have more fun time with my family, and a cleaner house. However, after six years of receiving her emails, I can honestly say she's the only "daily digest" I've never considered "unsubscribing" from.

Upon reflection, I have finally realized over the past couple weeks that I do struggle with the perfectionism. I have a 2' by 3' white board next to my desk where I've been noting things that need doing--a running to-do list of the big things around the house that don't have a specific due date on the calendar. The whole board is full of notes regarding things like:

• Tidying the gardening things, toys, etc. in the garage
• Bringing furniture in from the yard
• Taking old electronics to Staples for recycling
• Scrubbing windows
• Writing the novel I started four years ago
• Making blueberry jam

Some of these items would take less than 15 minutes to complete.  Many would take less than an hour.  I've had numerous excuses for not completing them:

• "I need to leave to pick up someone from practice in a little while." 
• "I still have 30 papers to grade." 
• "I need to figure out what I'm making for dinner."

What's the real reason "nothing is getting done"? Perfectionism. The biggest example in my home right now is the living room. I started redecorating at the beginning of last summer. I arranged to have the sofa and love seat reupholstered. While the furniture was gone (for almost two months--but that's a whole different story), we painted the ceiling, walls, and woodwork. I felt so pleased because the room looked fresh and inviting. The furniture finally came back, and fear set in: "The cats are going to ruin my newly upholstered couches." One of my kitties was adopted from the animal shelter when she was a year and a half old. She had bad manners when we got her--she was a sofa scratcher. She is 7 now and behaves most of the time, but when she wants attention she is inclined to scratch. I bought a spray that was supposed to deter cats and sprayed it on some scrap fabric. I placed it on the floor. She walked over, sniffed it, then sat on it. Clearly, the spray would not keep her away from the sofa. We have a scratching post that she will use, but she did go after the furniture in the past, so I've been terrified of walking in to find the new upholstery torn to ribbons.

What is the solution? The upholsterer had leftover fabric that I'd intended to use to make pillows, but the more practical use seems to be arm covers. Covering the arms will cover the section on the front of the couch where the cat is most likely to scratch. I've been considering this project for three months now. I have searched for instructions online on more than one occasion. Instead of getting it done, I've covered the arms of the sofa with blankets and the entire loveseat is covered in an old quilt that slides around when the children sit there. Then the arm is exposed again and the angst returns. The cats, however, are happy. They lie on the quilt and feel quite cozy. I, on the other hand, cringe at how trashy the room looks when the whole point of reupholstering the formerly shredded couches was to make the room inviting. I rarely sit in the living room now because it frustrates me too much.  

In addition to the coverings on the couches, I've been hoping to make or purchase new curtains. Again, hours of shopping online and in stores for fabric or ideas to treat the window and complete the room have resulted in the same old curtains hanging there, looking out of place as the teal shade looks odd against the new blue walls. Finally, this week, I decided on curtains and ordered them before I could change my mind again.  

It's all just stuff, really, and I feel materialistic (more guilt) that I've obsessed about it so much. BUT, the whole point of the project was to make the living room an inviting place for the family to gather and friends to visit.

My agenda for today is clear (dual meaning--no appointments, and I recognize what must be done). I will use the 2008 "Do it now!" motto and get some things done today in the living room. I did begin the arm cover project a couple days ago, but the mock-up didn't fit well, so I looked for better instructions which I will use to finally complete that project and put the blankets to better use. I will also get the old curtains down and the windows washed so the new curtains can be hung when they arrive this week.  

It will feel great to erase some of the items from the white board.  Maybe I will "Wipe the Slate Clean for 2014."

October Gloom Inspires Change

The gloom of October has settled into my bones.  I love the autumn colors and weather, but the darkness in New England exhausts me.  I find that I become tired very easily and cannot seem to accomplish the tasks I need to complete each day.

In particular, I reflect this time of year on making a change of some sort.  I have considered going back to school or looking for alternate employment, but financial limitations foster complacency.  My job is okay.  I like it sometimes.  The money is okay.  Truth be told, I'm not sure what I want to do when I grow up, but I know I'm not doing it now.

Therefore, I groan, grumble, and complain, but I don't know on a practical level what to do. I have moments of excitement over possibilities, but none of them seem realistic.

1. I could start writing regularly about things people care about and make a living as a blogger.
2. I could work toward sustainable living--growing most of our food. 
3. I could send the kids to school and teach full time.  Or work in an office.  Or something.
4. I could simplify our lives and cut our spending so that I could quit my job.
5. I could go back to school and get a degree in a different field that would make work exciting.
6. I could write and publish my first novel, developing the first draft during National Novel Writing Month in November (NaNoWriMo).

And then the realist/pessimist in my head retorts:

1. You haven't been able to blog every week with any consistency.  How on earth could you earn money blogging?
2. Your garden was bountiful this year, but you didn't substantially cut your grocery bill.  And you live in the city and zoning restrictions mean no livestock. Vegan living would put your family over the edge.
3. You have to at least homeschool the younger kids. You don't want to teach full time. Two words--Common Core!  
4. You don't buy many extras. You already do most of the "cost cutting" tips the magazines tout (cook meals, coffee at home, no cable, cheap cell phones), what else could you cut?
5. You can't afford school. Period.
6. You've started three NaNoWriMo novels and have never gotten past 50 pages.  And in November, when work and life is busiest. Ha!  Never gonna happen my friend.

October gloom.

I'm not always gloomy, though.  After morning coffee and prayer time today, I started looking at the FlyLady website and reading her Cruising Through the Holidays ideas and daily missions.  I felt enthusiastic about planning for the months ahead. Why? Because the focus was off of me and redirected at the prospect of spreading joy in the way I approach Thanksgiving and Christmas. The FlyLady offers tips on gift-giving, home decorating, baking, and more.  Her tips are a great way to make the preparations easier so the focus of the holidays can be on the people and memories we share during these special national and faith celebrations.

Gift-giving in particular used to be pleasurable to me, even when I had very little money.  When I was single, I'd put time and effort into purchasing or making gifts that would bring joy to my family and friends. I don't know when that feeling changed, but increasingly over the past 10 years, gift purchasing has been a rushed, stressful process that has made me bitter or frustrated. The emotional change may have been spawned by several years where my four children received so much plastic stuff that was broken or didn't work correctly that we'd hold our breath to see if the gifts under the tree would bring joy or tears! The Clutter Free Gift Ideas on the FlyLady site renewed my excitement about gift giving.  She offers hundreds of ideas from other "Fly Babies" for gifts that would be useful and appreciated. The list, and the testimonies with them, inspired me to start really thinking about my loved ones and how I can bring them joy this Christmas.

I still long for a change, but I recognize the first change needs to be my approach. I will get my priorities in order by shifting the focus off of myself and onto bringing joy to others.