FlyLady Motto and My New Year's "Musing"

The FlyLady offers thoughtful reflections in her "Morning Musings." She often mentions that perfectionism is a problem for "Sidetracked Home Executives" (SHEs). Today's musing is How Our Mottos Gently FlyWash Us. Over the past few days I was wondering what the new motto would be--and now I'm wondering if I can come up with one that the FlyLady would like.

When I discovered the FlyLady website about six years ago, I initially scoffed at this concept that perfectionism was negative. What could possibly be wrong with doing things correctly and thoroughly? For readers who are unfamiliar with the FlyLady, she offers a sensible, realistic, and gentle approach to home management.  Do I follow every idea she presents?  No.  If I did, though, I'd probably be more relaxed, have more fun time with my family, and a cleaner house. However, after six years of receiving her emails, I can honestly say she's the only "daily digest" I've never considered "unsubscribing" from.

Upon reflection, I have finally realized over the past couple weeks that I do struggle with the perfectionism. I have a 2' by 3' white board next to my desk where I've been noting things that need doing--a running to-do list of the big things around the house that don't have a specific due date on the calendar. The whole board is full of notes regarding things like:

• Tidying the gardening things, toys, etc. in the garage
• Bringing furniture in from the yard
• Taking old electronics to Staples for recycling
• Scrubbing windows
• Writing the novel I started four years ago
• Making blueberry jam

Some of these items would take less than 15 minutes to complete.  Many would take less than an hour.  I've had numerous excuses for not completing them:

• "I need to leave to pick up someone from practice in a little while." 
• "I still have 30 papers to grade." 
• "I need to figure out what I'm making for dinner."

What's the real reason "nothing is getting done"? Perfectionism. The biggest example in my home right now is the living room. I started redecorating at the beginning of last summer. I arranged to have the sofa and love seat reupholstered. While the furniture was gone (for almost two months--but that's a whole different story), we painted the ceiling, walls, and woodwork. I felt so pleased because the room looked fresh and inviting. The furniture finally came back, and fear set in: "The cats are going to ruin my newly upholstered couches." One of my kitties was adopted from the animal shelter when she was a year and a half old. She had bad manners when we got her--she was a sofa scratcher. She is 7 now and behaves most of the time, but when she wants attention she is inclined to scratch. I bought a spray that was supposed to deter cats and sprayed it on some scrap fabric. I placed it on the floor. She walked over, sniffed it, then sat on it. Clearly, the spray would not keep her away from the sofa. We have a scratching post that she will use, but she did go after the furniture in the past, so I've been terrified of walking in to find the new upholstery torn to ribbons.

What is the solution? The upholsterer had leftover fabric that I'd intended to use to make pillows, but the more practical use seems to be arm covers. Covering the arms will cover the section on the front of the couch where the cat is most likely to scratch. I've been considering this project for three months now. I have searched for instructions online on more than one occasion. Instead of getting it done, I've covered the arms of the sofa with blankets and the entire loveseat is covered in an old quilt that slides around when the children sit there. Then the arm is exposed again and the angst returns. The cats, however, are happy. They lie on the quilt and feel quite cozy. I, on the other hand, cringe at how trashy the room looks when the whole point of reupholstering the formerly shredded couches was to make the room inviting. I rarely sit in the living room now because it frustrates me too much.  

In addition to the coverings on the couches, I've been hoping to make or purchase new curtains. Again, hours of shopping online and in stores for fabric or ideas to treat the window and complete the room have resulted in the same old curtains hanging there, looking out of place as the teal shade looks odd against the new blue walls. Finally, this week, I decided on curtains and ordered them before I could change my mind again.  

It's all just stuff, really, and I feel materialistic (more guilt) that I've obsessed about it so much. BUT, the whole point of the project was to make the living room an inviting place for the family to gather and friends to visit.

My agenda for today is clear (dual meaning--no appointments, and I recognize what must be done). I will use the 2008 "Do it now!" motto and get some things done today in the living room. I did begin the arm cover project a couple days ago, but the mock-up didn't fit well, so I looked for better instructions which I will use to finally complete that project and put the blankets to better use. I will also get the old curtains down and the windows washed so the new curtains can be hung when they arrive this week.  

It will feel great to erase some of the items from the white board.  Maybe I will "Wipe the Slate Clean for 2014."

Second Sunday of Advent--How's Your New Year Going?

The Advent season includes the feasts of many popular saints, including St. Nicholas, St. Ambrose, St. Juan Diego, and St. Lucy.  As I mentioned in my post about St. Nicholas, I didn't learn much about the lives of the saints until I was an adult. I recognized St. Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day because they have been commercialized, but I didn't know much beyond hearts and shamrocks.  As an adult, I became interested in the lives of the saints. A friend loaned me a book about St. Catherine of Siena, and I read another book about St. Elizabeth of Hungary. My husband bought Treasury of Women Saints for my birthday one year. The more I read about these virtuous Catholics, the more I realized they were human beings like me who were called to a deep love of our Lord and his Church. My love for the saints grew when I had the opportunity to edit the Saint of the Day channel on CatholicExchange.com for several years during which time I got to know the feasts of many saints and to learn about those who aren't as well-known.

The season of Advent begins a new liturgical year for Catholics, and in the second week, we meet St. John the Baptist telling us to repent. In his homily at this weekend's Mass, one of the beloved friars at our Franciscan parish spoke of repentance and he used the lives and words of several saints to instruct and guide us. First, he mentioned St. Augustine of Hippo, and his cheeky comment from before his conversion asking God to give him chastity and continence, "but not just yet." We know that God gave him those gifts and many more as he became a great saint and one of the first four Doctors of the Church. Another saint whose words Father mentioned in his homily was St. Teresa of Avila. St. Teresa compared remorse and repentance.  These ideas make a wonderful "examination of conscience." Remorse is a deep, but brief, sorrow for wrongdoing. Repentance, on the other hand, recognizes the evil and moves forward to change and not repeat the wrongdoing.

"I will sprinkle clean water upon you to cleanse you from all your impurities,
and from all your idols I will cleanse you." Ez 36:25
Photo credit: Karen Ford copyright 2013

How many times have I experienced deep remorse, gone to confession, done penance, gone home and committed the same sin, and returned to the confessional to repeat the same confession? Have I truly repented of that sin? "Not just yet."

God knows our fallen nature. He forgives us as many times as we run to him and beg forgiveness. But we must not be like the Unmerciful Servant in Matthew 18:21-35 who begged the king for mercy and was then unmerciful to his fellow servant. He had remorse for not paying the king back what he owed--for fear of his just punishment--but he clearly hadn't repented. Jesus teaches us,

His master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you your entire debt because you begged me to. Should you not have had pity on your fellow servant, as I had pity on you?’Then in anger his master handed him over to the torturers until he should pay back the whole debt. So will my heavenly Father do to you, unless each of you forgives his brother from his heart. (Mt 32-35)

During this holy season of Advent, let us not be remorseful, making temporary resolutions. Let us grow in holiness, learning from the saints, seeking to be truly repentant, "to avoid sin and to amend my life. Amen."

St. Nicholas Day Traditions

I'll admit it.  I didn't fill my children's smelly shoes with treats last night for St. Nicholas Day. Another, "What kind of Catholic homeschool mom are you?" moment.  The shoe tradition was not something I grew up with.  In fact, I didn't know much about saints' feast days or even that Mass was offered every single day until I was an adult.  Add to this fact that I'm not a crafty, decorating, fun type of person, and you have empty shoes on December 6. I'm really more of a "sharing stories" type of mom.  Telling stories has the bonus of no clutter.

Several of my friends posted on Facebook that the shoes were filled and ready for joyous children to discover them this morning. Honestly, I love the idea of celebrating St. Nicholas' feast day, and I read the reflection about St. Nicholas of Myra in our saints of the day book yesterday since I knew we had a busy morning scheduled for today.  But somehow the "put it into practice" side of me isn't making any headway with the shoe tradition. 

The St. Nicholas Center offers lots of St. Nicholas information, including ways to celebrate and descriptions of traditions from around the world.  As my father's side of the family is of Hungarian descent, I took a look at the Hungarian customs. According to the site: 

Postcard, Hungary
Rosenthal Collection

Copyright © 2002-2013 St. Nicholas Center

On December 5th children in Hungary carefully polish their best boot and put it on the windowsill or in front of the door to be filled by St. Nicholas, Szent Mikulás or Miklós, sometime during the night. The good bishop comes with a big sack full of presents and a large record book with children's good and bad deeds.

He used to come with two helpers: a good angel who helps give out presents and a bad Krampus devil who makes mischief. Now it seems mostly to be the Krampusz.In the night Szent Mikulás secretly leaves little bags filled with candies, tangerines, oranges, walnuts, apples, chocolate Mikulás figures, peanuts, and small presents for children to find in the morning. Naughty children find twigs painted gold or a wooden spoon. Most children get some of each as no one is all good or all bad.

Even adults may participate, though they no longer seem to polish their shoes.

Perhaps I will read the various traditions with my children.  Maybe when they are grown and have their own children, they will be inspired to shine shoes and fill them with treats.  I can plant the seed, and maybe someday buy treats for grandchildren.  For today, I will offer "Happy St. Nicholas' Day" greetings and share a story or two.  

St. Nicholas of Myra, patron of sailors, children, and Russia, and a wonderful model of a giving Advent saint, guide us and lead us to the Christ Child. Amen.

Happy New Year, Happy Advent!

First of the month.  Mondays.  New school years.  New liturgical years.  All of these "beginnings" give me hope to improve upon the way I'm living.  But here it is, Wednesday morning of the first week of Advent, and I'm just getting around to reflecting upon the "Happy New Year!" greeting I offered on Thanksgiving (my birthday was last week, too, so it really is my new year right now).

When I log into this blog, I usually look to see how many viewers have visited the site and which post brought them here.  The latest view was "Struggling to Keep Your Resolutions" which was a link to another blogger's post.  My most popular title is "Maybe I Have ADD," followed by "Girls and ADHD or ADD" and "Decluttering My Domestic Church."  Clearly, I am attracting readers who are like me--distracted and seeking order.  Chances are, you may feel like you are chasing your tail and not accomplishing anything.  A little reflection will probably indicate that you accomplish much more than you think you do, but you need to put it in perspective.

Yesterday, I woke up feeling very optimistic.  I had finished a big grading project for my "paying job" on Monday afternoon (I teach English part-time at a local college) and hoped to tackle my household to-do list.  When I looked at my white board in the afternoon to check items off the to-do list, I realized that I had completed lots of "invisible" tasks that weren't on the written to-do list.  I washed my bedding, dusted all the ceiling fans in the house, watered the plants, made a couple of important phone calls, printed paperwork for my eldest's college application process, finished some homeschool lessons with the boys, reduced the giant pile of Black Friday ads and other clutter on the kitchen counter, and put away the Thanksgiving decorations (all four of them). My desk was still cluttered. The carpet was still not vacuumed.  Dead plants were still residing in the front garden. Dinner was still not planned. Worst of all, we hadn't read the saint of the day on the feast of St. Francis Xavier. What kind of Catholic homeschooling mom ignores the feast of St. Francis Xavier?  I had a plan, but somehow forgot about it while I watered the plants 6 hours earlier and let the boys sleep late. I bounced from task to task without a clear focus, and several priorities were neglected. It would be dark in less than an hour, so outside work was probably not going to happen.

The children heartily suggested I go clothing shopping with my daughter and then buy pizza for dinner.  The thought was tempting, but I was in frumpy gardening clothes because I had intended to work outside and in the garage since the weather was mild.  A trip to the mall was out of the question, and ordering pizza was not in the budget or plan.

The plan!  I remembered that I had a plan.  I had made a menu for November and December with my friend a few weeks ago. Life is much easier with a menu. I have stuck to the menu for a few weeks, and my days have gone smoothly.  The grading project had consumed four straight days, though, and I hadn't looked at the December meal plan when I went to the store last week. For Tuesday, chicken stir fry was on the menu.  Unfortunately, I didn't have chicken or stir-fry vegetables in the house. As I pondered my options, a child came to me asking for video game time.  Distracted Mama often says, "Sure, you're done with school, go ahead." Then, once they are playing, I notice their chores haven't been done.  I had a moment of clarity and remembered the leaves and clean-up that needed to happen in the garden (items on the written to-do list) and said, "First, I need help with the yard." He and his brother were willing to work for their screen time, so I showed them the plants that should be pulled out before the ground freezes.  After they went off to their task, I took care of emptying three cans of kitchen scraps into the compost and sorted through the remaining tomato harvest.  I had picked all of the green tomatoes in October, and they have been ripening on a table in the garage.  A few were rotten, but I found about 12 nicely ripened tomatoes, and from there developed my plan for dinner.

The happy sunflower in July.  Yesterday, it was brown and the seeds
had been consumed long ago by the birds.

The boys finished their task, and I granted permission for some screen time. I took the tomatoes to the kitchen, found the other ingredients, and took a look out the window.  I had just enough daylight to take care of the rest of the dead plants in the front garden that were too big for the boys.  Last summer, I planted vegetables in the front yard.  Giant "gone to seed" broccoli and dead sunflowers have adorned the front lawn for a couple months, making me cringe every time I see them.  I dragged the wheelbarrow to the front yard, yanked the overgrown beasts from the earth, piled them in the wheelbarrow and pushed them to their resting place in a new compost heap.  It took 15-30 minutes to change the appearance of my front lawn from unkempt to tidy (well, tidier--the rest of the leaves are still there).  I still had time to make dinner before my husband got home from work.

How I made an easy, but kinda fancy-sounding dinner:
Roasted Tomatoes with Salmon and Orzo
Ingredients:
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 med. red onion, coarsely chopped
12 ripe tomatoes, quartered
6 cremini mushrooms, thickly sliced
One can Wild Salmon
1/2-3/4 cup Parmesan Cheese
2 Frozen pesto cubes (2-4 T prepared pesto)
16 oz. Orzo pasta

First, I drizzled EVOO in a casserole dish and preheated the oven to 400.  To the casserole, I added a coarsely chopped red onion, quartered tomatoes, 6 cremini mushrooms, two "pesto cubes" from the freezer, and a can of wild-caught salmon.  The casserole went into the oven, and then I started water for the pasta.  After about 15 minutes, I gave the veggies and salmon a stir and realized the oven needed to be hotter, so I set it to 450.  When the orzo was cooked, the veggie mixture was fragrant and bubbling nicely.  I stirred the two together and added about a half cup of Parmesan cheese.  It was creamy, yummy, deliciousness!

Dinner was ready and waiting when my husband arrived!  The children and I got everything on the table, and my oldest lit the first Advent candle.  I sang "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel" (while the children groaned) and we waited for my husband to join us at the table.

After dinner, my husband and I prayed the rosary with the child who had requested video game time earlier.  While we prayed, I reflected on the day and on my family and our many blessings.  I realized that the day wasn't perfect and that the yard work could have gotten done completely, leaves and all, if we'd gone out right after lunch.  The way it turned out, though, was much more peaceful and really was good enough for the day.  I wasn't burdened with the work, and neither was anyone else.

When the younger boys went to bed, I took another look at the to-do list and realized there were two important computer items I could complete and erase before bed.

Several times throughout the day I had contemplated simply taking a nap or wasting time on Facebook (okay, I did do that), but the New Year's feeling helped motivate me to finish lots of little things.

This morning, I again woke feeling very optimistic.  I didn't think I had accomplished much yesterday, but as I wrote this post (at my cluttered desk), I realized this New Year is off to a good start.  Yes, there will be days where I don't "accomplish anything" and probably give in and buy take-out pizza. Yes, I am still easily distracted. However, priorities, menus, and a white board next to my desk all help.  And remembering it's Advent and new liturgical year give me hope.  Happy New Year, everyone.

I welcome comments to this blog! What are you doing to celebrate the "New Year"?  How does celebrating Advent help you to focus on Christ all around you?  If you struggle with ADD/ADHD or wonder if you have it, what do you do to stay on task?